How often do you find yourself feeling guilty when you stop? Perhaps there's always something else to do, someone else to look after, or another task waiting to be ticked off your list. You might tell yourself you'll rest when everything is finished, when everyone else is happy, or when you've finally done enough.

But what if rest isn't something you have to earn?

For many of us, our relationship with rest is shaped by our early experiences and attachment patterns. If you grew up feeling that love, acceptance or approval came from being helpful, achieving things or looking after others, you may have learned that your needs come second. You might find yourself constantly giving, doing and pleasing, while struggling to recognise when you need to stop.

Sometimes, keeping busy can also feel safer than slowing down. When we pause, uncomfortable thoughts and feelings can surface. Staying occupied can become a way of avoiding those feelings without even realising it.

As a therapist, I often encourage people to think about how they speak to themselves. Would you tell someone you love that they are lazy for needing a break? Would you expect a friend to keep going when they're exhausted? If not, why do you place those expectations on yourself?

Rest is not a reward for being productive. It is a fundamental part of caring for yourself, both emotionally and physically.

Perhaps giving yourself permission to rest starts with something small: sitting quietly with a cup of tea, taking a gentle walk, saying no to something, or simply allowing yourself an evening without expectations.

You don't have to prove your worth through how much you do for others.

 Learning to rest without guilt takes time, particularly if you've spent years putting everyone else first.

Be gentle with yourself. You deserve the same care, kindness and understanding that you so readily offer to others.