One of the things I often notice in therapy is how difficult it can be for people to trust themselves. You might know what you want, but then immediately question it. You might make a decision, and then spend hours wondering whether you have made the wrong choice.  Perhaps you find yourself asking others what they think before you can trust your own judgement.

From an attachment perspective, there can be good reasons for this. If, growing up, your feelings were dismissed, criticised or not really listened to, you may have learned to look outside yourself for reassurance. Perhaps you became very aware of other people's feelings and needs, while losing touch with your own. Learning that you had to put others before yourself and that somehow they their needs were more important than yours.

Learning to trust yourself starts with slowing down and listening. Try asking yourself:

What am I feeling?

What do I need?

What do I actually think about this?

You don't always have to act on the answer straight away. Sometimes simply noticing your own voice is a good place to begin.

You can also practise with small decisions. Notice when you automatically ask someone else for reassurance and, where it feels safe to do so, give yourself the opportunity to decide for yourself.

Maybe you need to practice a holding statement or pausing a conversation before you answer. Allowing yourself time to decide what it is that you need or want before automatically stepping in to meet someone elses needs.  This can feel physically uncomfortable in your body. This doesn't mean it is wrong, but an indication that you are responding in an unfamilar way; this pattern of behaviour runs deep, and will take time before it feels comfortable.